What I was Feeling- At Gatsby's Party

    It was a crazy scene. People were everywhere and when I say everywhere I really meant it. Gatsby's mansion was enormous and there wasn't a spot without a group of people. Everyone was dressed nicely and they all seemed to be having a great time. I have always been a person to observe, and that was all I could do. There was so much going on and it was all so interesting to watch. I finally saw Gatsby and I was just confused. He was alone. Not talking to as single person. There were so many people there and he wasn't conversing with any of them! Another thing I noticed was he was not drinking. I didn't mind, but I just thought it was odd that he would allow this many people in his home and not communicate with them. He was an odd man. I had heard that about him, but I really didn't expect this. I had felt a little out of place at this party. I know I also lived in West Egg, so technically I had some money, but the majority of the people were from East Egg. They wanted to be associated with Gatsby's money, and that was the only reason why they were there. They didn't care to be friends with Gatsby. They just wanted the label of being able to attend his extravagant parties. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but Gatsby obviously didn't mind if he continued to have the parties. I really wanted to talk to Gatsby and find out his reasoning.   This was too much for one to not have a motive behind it. After that night, I didn’t really have a desire to continue going to his parties, but I did want to learn more about the mysterious Gatsby.

What I was Thinking- During the Gathering of Daisy and Gatsby

      Gatsby arrived early, and he was a nervous wreck. When it was almost time and Daisy hadn't come yet, he said he was going to leave just because she wasn't there yet. I started to become a little nervous of the idea too now that Gatsby was acting like this. I noticed Daisy had pulled into the driveway and I went out to greet her. When we came back inside, Gatsby was gone. My heart dropped and I didn't know what to do. When I realized Gatsby had come to the door again, I felt better, but I was still lukewarm about this whole thing now. When Daisy saw Gatsby, everything stopped. She was surprised and Gatsby seemed to like it. I decided to let them be alone for awhile and see how that went. I came back to them happily talking and their initial jitters seemed to have gone away. They were laughing and casually talking about their new lives. Gatsby decided to invite Daisy over to his mansion. I couldn't help but think good things. I felt that they really did have a previous connection, and that they were meant to be together. Daisy loved the fact that Gatsby was rich now, and Gatsby enjoyed being wanted. She seemed so happy, and I was hoping that this would last forever. When the night ended, I thought about how happy I was that they met again. Daisy seemed the happiest I had ever seen her, especially without Tom by her side weighing her down. The best thing about the whole night was Gatsby. It finally seemed like he wasn't missing something. I think Daisy was that "thing" he was yearning for the first night I saw him. 

Why I- Agreed to have Daisy and Gatsby Over

    The idea seemed crazy at first, inviting Daisy, a married woman, to have tea with Gatsby. I wasn't trying to ruin any relationships, but Daisy just didn’t seem that happy with Tom.  Yes, Gatsby was a new friend of mine. I'm not sure if you could even consider us friends yet, but he was my neighbor. I wasn't completely sure about him, but he seemed alone. After the night that I watched him reaching for the green light, I felt that there was something missing inside of him. When I had brought up the idea to Gatsby, I could tell he was interested. It was one of those reactions where you know the person wants something, but they feel that it is rude to accept. Gatsby was a little apprehensive at first, but then I could really tell how excited he was. He started offering to cut my grass and I was offended at first. Was my house not good enough? I guess Gatsby wanted to make a great first impression, even if it wasn't at his home. I could tell he was already nervous when I started picking a day to do it. He was making up excuses of why he was busy. I decided to force it upon Gatsby and decide the date. When I called up Daisy, she seemed excited to come over. I didn’t tell her about Gatsby because I did not want her backing out just because she was nervous.  That night I thought about my decision. It was random, and I was a little nervous of getting in trouble with Tom. After awhile, I figured everything would be okay. I would stay with them the whole time and it wouldn't even seem like they were on a date.

What I was Thinking- When I First Saw Gatsby

         It had been a long night at the Buchanans. I had listened to Tom talk for a few minutes too long and I was ready to go home. It's not that I don't like Tom, it's just that it can get a little boring listening to him bring up all of his accomplishments. Daisy is always pleasant, but she is quiet because of overbearing husband. Anyways, when I arrived home, I thought about my new neighbor. He was all the talk all around East and West Egg and I was curious to know more about him too. As I was walking up to my home, I saw a figure in Gatsby's yard. It startled me at first and I was thinking about running into my home. As I tried to decipher what the figure was, I assumed that it was harmless. I watched the mysterious apparition as it stared across the way towards East Egg. I was truly confused. What was there to even look at outside right now? It was dark and a little foggy and I could barely even see the figure just in the yard next to me. What was the person looking at? I tried to look closer and all I could see was a green light radiating in the fog. The figure began to reach out towards it like they were yearning for something. I started to think that the person was a little crazy, but I couldn't help but continue to watch. As I continued to think about who it could be, I realized that it had to be Gatsby. The Gatsby was right there in front of me. He was so mysterious and I started to sense that he was alone. It seemed like he was missing something or someone. I wasn't sure what was going through Gatsby's mind, but I did know that I wanted to learn more about him. He was so interesting to observe and there was something inside of me that wanted to find more about his life.

Why I- Kept the secret from Daisy

                  Tom was cheating on Daisy. I was surprised, but I do not know why. Tom and Daisy's marriage had never been that strong, but I had felt hurt for Daisy. She was my cousin and I guess I was supposed to protect her. We were never that close, but Daisy was a nice girl. Tom had always been "better" than me. He was a star football player at Yale, he was rich, and people liked him, even though he is pretty arrogant. That night with Tom and Myrtle was unexpected. I never thought that Tom was a great guy, but I didn't think he would have an affair while married to Daisy, At first, I didn't know how to react. After a while, I decided I wouldn't tell anyone. When I was young, my father told me not to judge anyone because I was more privileged than most people. In this case, I wasn't necessarily more privileged, but I chose to stay out of it. I thought that if I acted like I didn't know, it wouldn't make a difference. Tom would be happy with his two women, and Daisy wouldn't know what was going on. If she did find out, it wasn't going to be from me. When I found out about Gatsby's love for Daisy, it made me feel better inside. I was hoping that Tom and Daisy would have a peaceful separation and they would both end up happy. Some part of me thought that Daisy only married Tom because he was wealthy, so this was her chance to have someone wealthy and who cared for her. In the end, I figured it would be too good to be true, but it wasn't me that was going to ruin the relationships. I chose to stick to my normal ways and be the observer once again.

 

What I was feeling- When no one came to Gatsby's funeral

     It had already been a sad day and I just had a bad feeling about everything. I had been telling people to come, after all, many people knew who Gatsby was. I even personally contacted Wolfshiem and Klipspringer. My little hope was crushed when Klipspringer called just to ask for his tennis shoes back. I just didn't understand. Why were people going to treat Gatsby so poorly? As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew it was because Gatsby did not truly create many friendships. His parties were all for Daisy, and he had lost her too. What really made me upset was the fact that Daisy and Tom had fled so quickly. It was a heartless. I had so many different emotions building up in me. When I realized that the funeral attendance was only going to be Gatsby's father, Owl Eyes, a few servants, and I, I was ashamed. It was pathetic and somewhat depressing. I had had only known Gatsby for a short time and I attended. Why couldn't anyone else? Gatsby had been used, but I guess he put it on himself. His fake relationships with everyone left him alone. When the funeral was over, Mr. Gatz and I went back to the mansion. I had felt some joy when Mr. Gatz was going through all of his belongings. He had seemed proud of Gatsby. He talked about his writings and showed me a book of some of Gatsby's notes. He tried to be a better person, and it was evident through his organized calendar. It was a sad day and I had felt the pain from Gatsby's whole life through that one day at his funeral.